The first time I kissed a boy
I pretended to be pure and saintly
even though I knew
I was far from innocent
but his lips were soft and sweet
and convinced me that I had been
born anew

The first time I was felt up
I pretended to be having the time of my life
even though all I wanted
was a drag from a cigarette
and the touch from one of the older boys 
smoking outside

The first time I gave head
I pretended to be a pornstar
even though deep inside
I was giggling like a middle schooler
The taste of his semen 
went down as easy as a sip of Capri Sun

The first time I had sex
I pretended like I was fucking in love with him
even though I knew
I just didn’t want to be an 18 year old virgin
and now I lay in bed 
wishing that sex made me feel more like a woman
and less of a child